


Alone together

by Tessa_D



Category: Wynonna Earp - Fandom
Genre: Dancing, F/F, Fluffy, LGBT, also some smutt, just your average gay fanfic, kinda angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2018-12-22 12:30:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11967438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tessa_D/pseuds/Tessa_D
Summary: It's been years since Waverly visited the place where it all went wrong. When she returns this time, it's under totally different conditions.Finally, Waverly has chased her dreams and became a back-up dancer for one of the most famous pop singers in the world. While on tour, she tries to deal with returning memories and feelings, all while developing an interesting relationship with security guard Nicole Haught.





	1. one

* * *

Fuck.

Slowly, Waverly opens her eyes. She stares at the hotel room's ceiling for a moment to readjust to the feeling of being awake and, unfortunately, in the process of that, she remembers where she is. For months now, she has been dreading this day. It had already been hard for her to wake up every single morning in a different city and find the energy to blend in as much as she could, but today, in all sincerity, she would rather die. For a minute, Waverly just lays there, contemplating whether she should just give up and close her eyes again – which will hopefully magically transport her to a different reality – and hell, she even tries it. She tries really hard. But it won't work. So she decides to just face these unwanted feelings and get up. After maybe ten more minutes because the bed is just so comfortable. She presses play and soon the sound of hot coffee streaming out of the machine is overpowered by the classic pop songs you can catch Waverly listening to at any given moment. As the coffee pot gets filled bit by bit, Wave jumps and dances around exactly like she does every morning. She doesn't know about the other people in her group, but to her this feels like a daily ritual every dancer has. Speaking of her fellow dancing mates, just like every other day, she hears the familiar knock on her door.

"Good morning!", an enthusiastic voice singingly yells.

"Hi", Wave says as she opens the door for Asiel. He looks at her and raises an eyebrow.

"Someone's in a bad mood today?"

"Not exactly, you just interrupted my morning routine, that's all", Waverly half-lies. Asiel hesitates a minute to questionaly look her up and down before he tells her: "Sure, babe, whatever you say", as he raises his eyebrow yet again, only this time with his eyes opened more fully, indicating he's not buying her excuse one bit. But he seems to have forgotten Waverly's difference in attitude as quickly as always.

"Do I smell coffee?"

After catching up on Asiel's latest 'sexting' experience he had with a boy he met on some kind of dating app - and Waverly being forced to rate the sexual nude photos he had sent him – while drinking their coffees, they were picked up by Richard, who is their choreographer. As it was a performance day today, they did some basic stretching techniques and then went over the whole show, practicing the difficult parts one last time. As soon as they were done, a couple of the other dancers walked over to Waverly and asked if she wanted to join them when they'd go into the city center for a while before the concert would start, but Waverly politely declined. Honestly, she'd rather sit in a room by herself all day than that she'd be faced with the streets of her own hometown. So, that's what she did. 

* * *

 

"Haught, situation?", she hears from the intercom on her shoulder.

"Everything clear", she confirms into the device. Nicole watches the stage closely and observes if she sees any suspicious activity, but luckily there's none. What she does see is the famous pop star singing and dancing energetically in front of her huge audience, along with her skilled dancers. Nicole's eyes explore each of them, mentally trying to figure out what sort of people they are and if she'd get along with them. When it's the end of the act, they all stand still in their final positions and catch their breaths while the fans cheer loudly. The lights dim and the focus now lays on the musicians, who are impressively playing an interlude to give the performers their chance to slip off to the backstage area to change their outfits. Nicole is still closely watching the big crowd of people, making sure everything is going alright. As quickly as the other dancers disappear, a new group of dancers is already standing next to Nicole, waiting for their cue. Within seconds they all run on stage and one by one, they all do a little solo dance that Nicole could never in a million years replicate. The lighting changes into a deep shade of red and the dancers line up to start the choreography that belongs to this specific song. Soon, the band starts playing one of the most popular music lines. Immediately after hearing it blast through the speakers, the crowd reacts wildly and there's a deafening noise of screams and applauding. The famous singer appears on stage again now, too, and Nicole no longer has time to look at the show, she has to follow every move and be prepared to jump in whenever something bad threatens to happen. This all works fine, until about halfway through the song. A specific part of the choreography makes them all stand in a circle and twirl their hips around, followed by a slow grinding. Since they're standing in a circle, there's a girl facing Nicole. And this girl might be exactly the reason why Nicole is getting so distracted from her job. The way the young woman is moving her body to the beats of the song is intriguing to Nicole. She is mesmerized. She feels as if the image in front of her is going in slow motion; the way the girl's abs tighten when she moves her hips, the drips of sweat rolling down her exposed stomach, the strands of hair falling over her face because of the movements she's making and the way she softly bites her bottom lip in concentration. All of it seems to be going in slow motion. Nicole can't deny the feeling between her legs when she looks at the brunette on stage. It's clear the young dancer is in a state of concentration and is only focused on getting all the moves right, so when her eyes land on the red-haired security guard behind the scenes, she doesn't actually look at her. But that doesn't stop Nicole from feeling even more aroused. Yeah, of course she realizes that this gorgeous creature doesn't really see her, but her eyes looking in Nicole's direction still does things to her. At this point, Nicole is breathing so heavily, the tech guy next to her has to ask if she's doing okay. But she doesn't reply, her eyes are fixated on the dancer and she can't speak. And just like that, the lights go out, the song ends and before she even has time to find the girl again, she's ran off the stage. Throughout the rest of the night, Nicole watched out for the singer's safety, but still occasionally glanced at the girl from the corner of her eye.

* * *

Last one, now. She stands waiting until the music starts blasting louder than ever through these enormous speakers. Suddenly, all of the pushed away memories stream through Waverly's mind like a waterfall. She's dancing, she can feel her body moving, but her mind is somewhere else. She dances like she's never danced these past six years.

_You're not even one of us! Waverly, why are you even in this family?!_

Her legs hurt but it doesn't matter, all Waverly wants right now is to erase her mind. The screaming faces around her all blur together and the colorful stage lights seem brighter than usually. Her whole body is sweating but it doesn't stop her, she dances harder and harder.

_Mom and dad never wanted you! I wish you'd just leave forever! Fine, then I fucking will!_

Loose memories flash before her eyes. At this point, all Waverly cares about is finishing this show and getting the fuck out of this building. It feels like the walls are closing in on her, and every sound is too loud. All that she sees in front of her she doesn't process, it just flashes by, except for that one person sitting in the bleachers right there. It's not real. It can't be. Is it? She shakes her head and tries to dance it off, and when she looks up again, the girl indeed is gone. She swears she saw her sister sitting between all those crazy fans. Waverly stays in her confused, paranoid state until it's the end of the song and finally, the show has come to an end. When it's her turn, she walks off stage and as soon as she's backstage, she runs. She runs off the stairs through the hallway of changing rooms. She runs as hard as her legs can handle it. Everything is going so fast. At one point she grabs her leather jacket and before she knows it, she's running up the steps and there she is at the very top of the venue. When she opens the door to step out on the roof she's met with the chilly November air.

"Shit", she breathes out.

From here she can see every part of the city that she thought she'd never see again, along with all of its lights. It should be around 12 by now and the buildings around her faintly light up the dark night skies. It's been so long. Waverly is so busy looking at the view, she doesn't even notice the person standing on the other side of the roof, also silently taking in the view in front of her. After a while though, she does. Waverly sticks a cigarette in her mouth and walks over to her.

"Don't trust anyone", Waverly mumbles, the cigarette poking out of the corner of her mouth.

"Excuse me?" The other girl looks at her surprised. It takes Nicole a minute to realize who she's talking to. She gulps.

"Nothing is ever, ever what it seems. Your family will betray you, your parents really aren't that fucking great, your sisters will turn their backs on you." Waverly suddenly finds herself ranting to the stranger about all the things she's held in for so long. When she feels herself getting emotional, she drifts off and looks off into the distance. After a moment she finally lights her cigarette. The bright orange that arises when she takes her first puff, grimly lights up her face.

"What makes someone like you sit here at this time of night?", Waverly has to ask the other girl.

"Just... clearing my mind, I guess. I sometimes go here after my shifts. I like the view up here and besides, it's not like I have anyone to rush home to." She smiles which Waverly finds strange, since what she just said is rather sad. A minute of oddly comfortable silence passes.

"I'm Waverly." Nicole is met with a pair of eyes that nearly seem dead.

"Nicole", the taller girl held out her hand for Waverly to take. And when she does, she immediately notices how soft the security guard's hands are. She smells of vanilla. Waverly, on the other hand, has a strong scent of cigarette smoke mixed with cheap men's perfume. For some reason, that makes Nicole's chest tingle even more. Waverly has still not let go of her hand and she uses it to pull Nicole forward. She tilts her head and leans it into Nicole's neck. Her nose lightly grazes it while she inhales Nicole's smell. Nicole swears her heart rate went up from mildly high to out of the roof. Waverly placed her other hand on Nicole's arm to steady herself and Nicole is pretty positive she can feel the goosebumps she's creating there.

"Vanilla and... cinnamon?"

Waverly is so close to her face and Nicole doesn't process what the hell she's talking about at first but soon realizes she is referring to the way Nicole smells, so she manages to blurt out an answer about her shower-gel. Boy, is she glad Waverly can't see her blush in this darkness. They stare into each other's brown eyes and it's like they can read each other's minds at this moment. And they both happen to be thinking of the same exact thing. Waverly is about to do whatever she does when she feels like this, the thing she's done so many times before and what she's been planning to do the minute she laid eyes on the other woman.

"Wanna go to my room with me?"


	2. two

The door closes with a thud.

"Off. Now.", she huskily murmurs into my neck. Hearing this, I get rid of my blouse as quickly as I can. Pants come off, too. My hands are shaking since this is the first time in a long time I'm doing this, and it's with a bloody beautiful woman. To calm myself, I grab Waverly's face and lean my forehead against hers. I try to make eye contact but her eyes are fixated on my lips.  
"Waverly", I breathe. Her eyes are still pointed down and I don't think too much of it, so I lean in and kiss her perfectly plump, pink lips. The kiss gets heated in no time and I find myself pushing up Waverly's skirt more and more. I lower my lips to the place where her shoulders meet her neck and suck on it gently. At the same time, both of my hands cup Wave's round butt and squeeze while I pull her cheeks apart slightly. The combination of those sensations make Waverly moan in pleasure and it sends an immediate flood of wetness down my panties that I have never experienced in this extend. It has to be something about the girl that makes me so _wet_ , it has to. It might be the way she makes my cheeks flush when she looks at me, or it could be the way her entire body seems to have come straight out of God's greatest creations. Whatever it is, I need her right now. My mind is going the speed of light and I want Waverly so much, her trembling lips and heavy breathing tell me she wants the exact same. I push her back on the bed and look her straight in the eyes. I am standing before her now and all I hear is my heartbeat and her deep breaths.

"Take your clothes off."

I don't know where this new confidence comes from, but I appreciate it. She does what I commanded and teasingly slips off each piece of clothing she has on. Throughout the whole show, we never lose our eye contact. When she's all bare, she smirks and signals with her index finger for me to come closer. Without being able to control it I let out a deep growly 'fuck'. I waste no time and crawl on top of her. She grabs my shoulders when I'm finally hovering above her and softly bites my earlobe. She moves her lips up ever so slow and seductively, as if she's gonna tell me her biggest secret.

"Fuck me like I deserve to be fucked."

I feel the hairs on my arms raising and a long shiver creeps up my spine. It's like she turned a switch saying that and the way her tongue flicks over my earlobe makes me almost aggressively attack her with my kiss. Our tongues fight for dominance after I slip mine in her mouth, and the way I grind my hips into hers make us both moan into it. I back away for a moment and lift her chin to make her look at me.

"I will."

I feel her small hand entangled in my ginger hair and she pulls me in again, we're both so hungry for each other. I move my legs so I am laying next to her and with my fingertips I trail her obliques that are trained so well down over her hip bone to the inside of her right thigh. I stretch out my hand so I can push slowly, and she immediately responds by opening her legs for me. We keep on making out, now at a slower pace than before, and my hand creeps up slowly. When it has arrived at the top of her thigh, I start rubbing Waverly's clit slowly, while my other hand is playing with her gorgeous locks, as I hold myself up with my elbow. I start kissing her jaw and her neck and I can hear her whimpering my name softly above me. It is strange what an intense effect this has on me and if I had been standing up hearing this godly sound, my legs would've definitely given up on me. Nails dig into my skin and hips are moving up to the touch of my fingers on her intimate parts.

"Just... fuck.. me", she barely gets out. I first think she's being seductive obviously, until I look at her face. It seems different than what I expected. I thought she would be desperate, wanting of my touch only. Instead what I'm seeing is a girl who's desperate, yes, but desperate to feel. Her eyes seem more tired than needy and even though it's clear she needs to be touched, it's not like she needs me. I am probably assuming the wrong things, I just met this woman, but that doesn't stop me from feeling an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, due to being hurt from this facial expression. My process of toxic thoughts is luckily put to stop when I feel a hand on top of mine and Waverly's just now sad face turned into a sweet and oh so sexy one, and I completely forget all the stuff I just even dared thinking about.

"Nicole, stop thinking please. I just need you to fuck me now."

Our combined hands move down and slowly, I sink in two fingers. Before I know it my pace gets faster and faster. Waverly is screaming, moans turn into kisses and eyes roll back into heads. Hickeys are being made, red scratches cover my back, Waverly's fluids drip down my arm and curse words are being yelled. Everything feels like such ecstasy, it's surreal. I'm so focused but I cannot think, we go like this all night and it feels like heaven. I'm in heaven.


	3. three

"Come on. We won't have to be long, just breakfast, I promise. You have to eat, anyway. Don't you? Besides, we could both use a little bit of company, right?"

Nicole has been insisting on buying me a "non-date-all-friendly" breakfast all throughout the morning. It's against what I made clear to her last night - what we did is because we were attracted to each other but that's all, at least that's what I want to believe. I don't do relationships, especially with such a pure, honest soul. I'm far too messed up for her, I'll ruin her. I know that there might be a connection between us, but I can't do that to her, I just can't. And now it's still not too late to let her know that, so I did. Surprisingly, she took it well. She wasn't happy about it, but she respected my decision. I would be lying if I said that didn't surprise me. I've hooked up with so many guys and quite some girls, too, while on this tour, and basically all of them got pissed as hell at me and one particular man even claimed I was a slut for sleeping around with so many people without sticking around. But Nicole was different. When I had told her, I was laying in her arms, naked, exhausted after hours of sex, and she had told me it was okay and kissed my shoulder. She hadn't minded that I had basically used her for sex to distract myself from my own mind. After that, we laid like that all night and most part of the morning, as well. It was nice, I know it was wrong to enjoy it after all that I had told her before, but I liked it. We were just two human beings enjoying each other's presence and I didn't want to overthink it at that moment.

Nicole is still waiting for my answer and she even goes as far as making a sad puppy face to convince me to go with her.  
"It won't be weird, I promise. And it would make a nice opportunity for us to get to know each other a little better, I mean you'd think I'd know you by now, I've literally been inside your vagina-"  
"Nicole!" The remark makes us both burst into laughter. I love that she's talking about this whole situation so lightly. It makes me feel accepted. It makes it all a little easier than usually.  
"But really, though, I'd like to know more about you - all as a friend, of course." She smiles her toothy smile and looks at me hopefully. Her beady eyes make it hard for me to resist and I find myself agreeing to her offer without even really thinking about it.  
"Fine! Fine." I smile back her, but deep down I know this will most likely be the last time we'll ever have a "non-date-all-friendly" get-together. And it breaks my heart, and it will hurt her, too, but it's for the best. I don't deserve her, not even as a friend.  
"Grab your stuff, I'm starving. Let's go!", she sounds so cheerful. Part of me is happy that I get to spend the morning with her, but the other part of me is screaming that this is a bad, bad idea.

 

"So...?"  
We're sitting in a small café near my hotel that Nicole showed me. The little food shop seems to be quite new. On the way here, she had told me enthusiastically about her going here when she was done working and how beautiful she found cities at night, and how she'd like to listen to the quiet people talking and the lost heels clicking on the pavement. I am glad that she didn't take me too far into the city, and luckily I have never been in this part of town before, so I wouldn't be greeted with much nostalgia.  
"So, what?", I confusedly respond. The room is filled with happy conversations, coffee machines spewing and steaming and soft jazz music.  
"So, tell me about you. I want to hear more about Waverly...? Huh, I guess let's start with your last name."  
"Pass."  
"Waverly Pass?"  
"No, you bonehead. I meant I want to pass this question. I don't have a last name."  
I do have a last name, of course. But I don't like talking about that part of me, of my family.  
"Ah, I see." She hesitates for a second but decides to drop the subject anyway. A waitress comes to take our orders and I notice how her and Nicole seem to know each other, which makes sense since she told me about how she is a known customer due to all her late night visits. She told me that in the daylight it is a coffee shop where you can buy lunch or breakfast and after sunset it transforms into a café that serves wine and homemade beer.  
"Well, my last name is Haught", Nicole says when she's gone, "I work as a security guard at the venue you danced gorgeously at yesterday, my favorite color is blue and I have a cat. Yep, I am a cat-lesbian." The last remark makes me snort and she grins at me, proud to have made me laugh again. After I crack a stupid joke about her last name fitting her and asking about her cat for a bit, she nods her head and raises her eyebrow at me, and soon I realize she wants me to tell her about myself.  
"I am a dancer, as you apparently already saw yesterday. Right now I'm on a world tour which we just started; first we're touring around the States and in a few months the European leg starts. It's funny how I happened to meet you right in this city actually, Purgatory is my hometown. But I rarely visit. My favorite color is black, even though I know it's not an official color. I am afraid of spiders. What else do you wanna know, Ms. Nosy?"  
"I'll take about anything at this point. It's not often that I meet new people, so any information would be appreciated."  
Hearing her say this makes me think about what she told me last night, right before we went back to my room. I have the urge to ask her about it, to know more about why she told me that. To know why a person like her would be so lonely. I open my mouth to speak, but at the last moment I decide it would be much better if I'd just shut it again. I don't even know what I'm doing at this point. Luckily, my inner discussion gets interrupted by the waitress who brings us our breakfast that Nicole recommended us to get. We continue to babble about all sorts of things as we stuff our faces with croissants and bagels and flush it down with steaming lattes.

"You know, that was a lot of fun. But I am afraid I might burst out of these pants soon, that's how full I am.", Nicole laughs as I finish my last spoon of yogurt.  
"I agree. Thanks for paying, by the way."  
"No problem at all. It was nice getting to know you, I enjoyed your company." When she says this I can hear her mild Southern accent creep up for the first time. She smiles and asks me if she can have my number, so we can keep in contact. At first this question scares me and out of fear of hurting her I give her it, though I know I'm not gonna keep in contact. It sucks, I really like her, but I don't deserve her. She's too innocent, I will ruin her.

_I will ruin her._

The thought of me lying to her like this makes me sick to my stomach and I have to get out of here soon, I can't bare to look into her eyes anymore. I hate myself for always doing this and for some reason, this time it's worse than ever.  
"I've gotta go now. See you, Nicole." I give her a quick hug, inhale her vanilla scent one last time and she waves me goodbye. I turn away and walk my way out of there, but I can't help but look behind me one last time. I flash her a small smile, and she responds by doing to same. I run away from that coffee shop as quick as possible and cry all the way to my hotel, thinking about how I'm never going to see that smile again.

* * *

_five months later_

"Yes, mama, I'll make sure to drop by the drugstore. Yeah, I know what kinds you need. No, no, I won't. Love you, too. Bye, mama", with that, Nicole hung up the phone. She sighs deeply and sits back down on the couch. Her tiger-striped cat peaks its head up to see if Nicole is okay and she responds with a weak smile.  
"After all, I'll still have you, Janey."  
Quickly, the cat seems to forget about making sure her human is alright, as she starts rubbing her belly softly. A soft purring fills the quiet room.  
"Man, I really thought it was her again." Nicole knows it's no use waiting for a cat to answer to her problems, but she likes to talk to Calamity Jane as if she was a person, anyway.  
"How long has it been, now? Four, five months? Why am I still thinking about her? I shouldn't, she doesn't care about me, in fact she doesn't give a single shit about me." After endless un-replied text messages, multiple missed calls and a few drunk midnight voice mails, Nicole gave up. She decided it was no use and she felt more stupid than ever to have even thought she could've been friends with the short brunette. But because she gave up trying to contact her, doesn't mean she forgot about Waverly completely, though. To be honest, she did quite the opposite. She must have thought about her every single day since she walked out of that coffee shop. At the beginning it was all sweet; she foolishly daydreamed about the way she danced in front of her eyes that one night, thought about the way she had breathed her name when they had slept together. But soon Waverly started haunting Nicole. Nicole couldn't sleep and some nights she even had to drink away her pain. She feels dumb for having gotten so attached to the young woman so quickly. Nicole snaps out of her thoughts when she hears the alarm on her phone and it takes her a moment to get out of her daze and turn it off. She gets up and pets the tiger-striped cat one more time.  
"I gotta go to work now, Calamity. Be nice alright, don't rip open the couch again, you bastard." She hurriedly grabs her jacket and an apple to eat on the way to her job, one last 'Goodbye, Janey!' and she's off to Purgatory's concert hall.


	4. four

Nicole carefully parks her truck into the spot that's assigned just for her. The whole ride to her work, she hadn't turned on her radio. She hasn't done this in a while, it's grown to be a strange habit she developed a while after Waverly had left. Every song had reminded her of Waverly, and she was just so sick of thinking about her. All songs, no matter happy or sad, were like torture when she was feeling like she was. The happy ones made Nicole think of what they could've been if she had only acted differently. At first, Nicole had been confused, worried, even. She didn't understand why Waverly just ignored her like that. But after three weeks or so, she started blaming herself. She told herself she panicked and asked too much of the girl. She shouldn't have asked her out that morning and she shouldn't have made Waverly tell so much about herself. Nicole genuinely believes she scared away the young dancer, just like everyone else in her life.

And then there were the sad songs, which made everything even worse. One night, Nicole was driving to her mom's, a piano ballad came on and she had to stop her car on the side of the road because she couldn't contain her sobs any longer. Ever since that incident, she hasn't even dared touching the power button of her car-radio.

So now, she sits in the driver's seat of her Chevrolet, surrounded by deafening silence. She sighs deeply and looks into her rearview mirror. The person she sees in her reflection startles her, she's shocked by how much she's changed. Her eyes seem to have permanent bags under them, and they are certainly not Versace. Her skin started breaking out again and her face no longer carries the joyful expression she used to have. She attempts to fix her hair by combing it through with her fingers. It doesn't do much, but she decides it's enough. Finally, she hurries out of her car and into the building, prepared for another long day.

 

* * *

 

"Hey, Haught, you done for the day?''

I was just getting my things out my locker when Aaron walked in. I told him my shift just ended and I was getting ready to go home. I shove my dirty clothes and other belongings into the sport's bag I bring to work every day while making small talk with my co-worker.  
''How's your mom?'', he asks. I'm taken aback a little by this sudden question.  
''She's alright. Has been better, of course, but she's good.'' I try my best to give him a sincere smile.  
''Good, good.'' Silence falls over us as we both get ready to leave and go home. What he says then stops me in my tracks.  
''Say hi to Mr. Stephens for me, by the way.''  
''What do you mean?'', I try to ask without too much unknowingness in my voice.  
''He told you to drop by his office..'', he takes a look at his watch, "right about now, actually. Remember?''   
I must've forgotten, or no-one even told me at all. Whichever it is, I was not really planning on this conversation, to be honest. It's not like I have way more important things I should be doing, but I'd rather appreciate watching a Disney movie with Janey and a load of comfort food on my couch instead of having a talk about whatever he wants to talk about with my boss. I thank Aron for reminding me and rush off to Mr. Stephens, who I already see waiting for me when I arrive at his door. He motions for me to come in and I do so, closing the door shut behind me.

''You wanted to see me?''  
''Yes'', he smiles, ''Take a seat.''  
''Oh, actually I'd rather not, I was just going to-'' He interrupts me before I can even make up an excuse.  
''Sit, Nicole.'' His voice sounds stern all of a sudden and it surprises me, since he was usually always friendly with me. I slowly do what he asked me to and sit down on the expensive-looking chair in front of his desk. I look at a photograph that sits in front of him that perfectly captured his two daughters and wife smiling happily at the camera, and it reminds me of when I used to watch his girls when they were just babies. My boss and I's relationship was unlike all of the stereotypical ones you saw portrayed in films and on television, I guess you could say we're good friends. Besides, as a boss, he was reasonable and listened to all of us, I really was so lucky to have gotten this job.

''Nicole, I need to tell you something and I need you to listen to me, alright?''  
Every second I get more anxious about what our conversation is going to be about, and this question just worsens it. He continued.  
''You haven't been yourself lately. I see it, everyone sees it. Nicole, what's going on?''

I swallow hard.

''Look at yourself, you're a wreck. And I'm not just talking about your appearance. You haven't been as focused on this job as you used to be. Nicole, please explain?'' He didn't sound mad, not at all. He sounded more concerned than anything, like a tone a parent would have when they found out their kid was doing drugs. It takes me a minute to respond and gather my thoughts, because my mind is everywhere. A part of me is hurt about everything he said, even though I know he's right. I'm also mad, mad at myself for letting my feelings show so easily, especially while I was working.  
''Sir-'' He doesn't let me finish.  
''Answer me honestly... are you depressed?''

I let his question wander through my brain. Am I depressed? It seemed obvious now in this moment, but I had never thought of myself as depressed before this. I always believed people who were depressed locked themselves in their room for days and were unable to smile or feel happy at all times. People with depression wore all black and listened to grunge music, smoked cigarettes and were reckless. Kind of like Waverly. But now I realized this wasn't true at all. I am depressed, I've been all this time. The realization hits me like a brick and tears well up in my eyes. All these years, that deep pit I felt in my soul had been the underlying depression, the hidden demons inside me. Now that Waverly broke my heart, it had really taken over me. Before, nobody knew, not even myself. But now I couldn't hide it anymore, the pit had grown and grown and grown into this black hole that was eating me alive.

''I think I might be.'' He looks at me with sad eyes. My voice echoes through my mind in the quiet that followed after I spoke. For some reason, I feel like I'm disappointing him. I feel like I should just suck it up and continue with my life as if nothing is wrong, but I know that wouldn't be healthy and I should take this seriously.   
''You know that I'm here for you, and I'll be there with you when you get over this illness'', he starts, ''but I cannot have someone who's in this state of mind work here, especially with the importance of your job. I have been watching you for a while now, Nicole, and it went wrong more times than I hoped it would. The past month, you came in late six times. Six. And then there was that time a girl fainted and George had to help her get to medical, even though it was your job, but you weren't paying attention. These type of mistakes I cannot look past, and I can't let them happen again in the future. I know what you're going through is hard and you have my full support, but outside of this building. I'm going to make sure you get help, but until then you can't work here, Nicole. By the end of next week I need you to have cleaned out your locker.''

I didn't even hear half of the things Mr. Stephens told me. All I can think about is how the only steady factor in my life had just crumbled down too. I let him down. I let myself down, I let my mom down. I feel tears building up but I cannot cry, I cannot show any more weakness towards him. I feel ashamed. My vision gets blurry because of my tears or perhaps because I'm having a panic attack, but I don't have time to question it. All I want is to get out of here as quick as I can.

I don't know how I got out of his office and out of the building, onto the dark streets, but here I am now, standing on the side of the road. My breathing is hard and I can hear a faint siren in the distance. I could grab my truck and drive to god knows where, but I know better. As much as I'm hurting, angrily driving in the middle of the night could never end well. What I could use is alcohol, though. Before I can think about it, my legs are taking me to a near liquor store. I start to walk faster and faster and sadness turns into anger step by step while I stomp my way to the little shop at the end of the street. I bump into someone because they didn't see me coming and I hear them yell some insulting phrase at me but right now I couldn't care less, so I flip them off behind my back as I keep walking. Soon, I get to the place where I need to be and hurry myself inside.

A bottle of whiskey later, I find myself wandering on the late night streets of Purgatory. The sounds of laughing groups of young people walking from club to club and the quiet conversations you could pick up walking by couples on the sidewalk used to comfort me, but now they've turned annoying. I just want to be in silence. The ground is dimly lit by the orange street lights along the road and my breaths are visible every time I exhale. It's spring, but the weather is still brutal, and it's a specifically cold night tonight. The big clock on the church steeple tells me it's almost two. I look down at my feet as I stroll over the pavement. My vision is slightly blurry, I blame the alcohol. I feel my feet growing tired and my legs get heavier every step I take, so I sit down on the curb after kicking some broken glass off the space first. I take a deep breath. When did my life go to shit like this? If you had told me a year ago this is where I would be now, I would've laughed. I would've laughed so hard in your face. But it really is reality. I just got fired from the job I worked at for years, I embarrassed myself in front of the girl I thought was the most beautiful thing on earth and she probably laughed at my idiocy for days. All I have is my fat cat and my ill mother, who I'm supposed to take care of. And I basically am a worthless, depressed mistake.

I softly kick an empty beer bottle that's laying next to me and watch as it rolls it way to the other side of the road. It goes slow and it makes a quiet jingling noise, which is, compared to the sounds of the busy city around me, very pleasing. Everything around me fades as I focus only on the bottle. My eyes follow its moves and abruptly, it comes to a stop as it hits the other side. My eyes dart upwards and I know exactly where I am. The fluorescent lights of the sign saying: 'L'Espace Enchanté' gives me a twisted feeling in my tummy. When I glance inside and see the happy people chatting, it brings me back to that morning when Waverly and I had been on of those people. All this time when she left me, I had avoided coming here. I feel uneasy looking at the little café, but somewhere there's also a slight hint of comfort. Half a year ago, I would've gladly walked in there and ordered some drinks for myself and chatted a little bit with the customers around me. But now it's all different. I study the people I see from outside and try to read all of them, like it was a game. A strong, bold woman with a bright red dress and a huge, contagious laugh. She must be an artist. I think she's about thirty-eight years old. At the front there sits a young man at the bar in front of the shop's windows. He's drinking a glass of red wine and is reading what looks like an old literature book. He must've gotten it out of the big bookshelf filled with old books and board games at the back of the café, which I have turned to on many nights. He's wearing a cream colored beanie and wears big round glasses, a typical hipster. I watch him read for a while but soon I get bored of him and let my eyes wander to the next person. And there she sits. Waverly, with her hair fallen over her face and her eyes locked on her phone.

I jump up as soon as I see her. No. I'm imagining her, it's probably the whiskey. But it's not. Because she sees me now, too, and she immediately makes a move to go outside and meet me. I stand still, I'm not quite sure what's happening. She's standing at the doorstep now and her eyes meet mine. It's dark, but I feel myself hypnotized by them, anyway. For a second, I feel happy. She came back, she's here and she wants to see me. All the sadness and anger I carried around for so long disappear like they didn't even exist. I feel the urge to run to her and hold her, never let her leave again. But then the memories of me crying and trying to contact her flash before my eyes and just like that I feel the rage take over my body again. I run towards her now, and she seems relieved. But I don't hug her, I don't embrace her. What I do instead is shove her and as I do so I feel tears streaming down my cheeks because of all the emotions I'm feeling at once.

"How dare you!", I scream at the top of my lungs. She's silent and I know she feels guilty. I want to hold it in and walk away and don't give her my attention, but the alcohol in my veins make it hard and I am screaming things I don't really mean to her without even wanting to. I scream and I scream until my words start to slur together and she pulls me into her as an attempt to stop me. I stop yelling and I try to escape her embrace, but she holds on tightly and after a while I give in. She's holding me so strongly and I let my arms fall around her waist as I bury my face into her shoulder, letting the sobs flow out of my mouth.

"I'm so sorry", she whispers repeatedly as she strokes me hair, trying to calm me down.

Then I pull away and take a step back, as if suddenly her skin against mine burned like fire. Hurt flashes over her face and I notice she's crying, as well.   
"Please, Nicole." Her saying my name makes me angry again and I want to lash out to her, but instead I take a step closer to her so our faces are barely touching.   
"I hate you." I whisper but the words are stronger than anything, and she flinches.   
"You are drunk."  
"So what? Now you suddenly care about me, huh?" I laugh ironically and she seems more hurt every time I speak.   
"I've always cared about you." This makes me laugh at her again and I shake my head like she just made the funniest joke. I see her getting frustrated. "Alright you know what? I know you don't want to see me, but please, please just let me take you home. I wouldn't be able to live if anything happened to you. I can't trust you to drive by yourself like this." I try to play it off like I can handle it myself, but I know she doesn't believe me.   
"Please." I look into her eyes and I feel the madness easing off. For a moment we just look at each other and find peace in each other's brown orbs. Our breaths are deep and synced. Eventually I agree to her offer and let her drive me back to my house.

 

**Hey guys, I am sorry for taking quite a long time to upload, but wow, thank you so much for all the support! I appreciate it a lot. I hope everyone is gonna enjoy this new chapter! For those who are interested: here is a link to a playlist (there's more on my Spotify profile) for character based music :) This one is the Waverly one - https://open.spotify.com/user/tessafmd-nl/playlist/4BGGk0qBz59fBuxR5lCN5c?si=wDhnRLpM**


	5. five

_In fifty meters, turn left_

Lights skip by and shine down on the car one by one. I stare blankly at the road ahead of me and see me hands on the steering wheel get and orange glow followed by darkness with every passing lamp. Quickly, I glance at the clock on Nicole's radio, in red numbers it says: 03:24. That explains my heavy eyelids a lot. In fear of falling asleep right here, right now, I turn the air-conditioning a setting heavier. I shiver in reaction to the feeling of cold air hitting my bare arms (my jacket lays on the backseat) and to my right I hear a low groan, most likely due to the increase of blowing wind hitting her drunk body. I glance at Nicole from the corner of my eye and see her wrapped up in a ball on the carseat. Her head's leaning against the side window and her light orange hair loosely falls over her face. I know she must be as tired as I am, because I notice she's struggling to keep her sleepy eyes, that are fixed on the passing houses, open.

_Turn left_

It's quiet on the streets. The only sounds filling up the car are the running engine of Nicole's truck, her breathing next to me and the occasional commands the GPS gives me in order to arrive at Nicole's house. I find it too quiet, I decide. So I press the power button on the radio and, on a low volume, music escapes the car's speakers within seconds. It's barely noticeable but for some reason it seems to disturb Nicole's peaceful staring. I sense her gaze landing on me and I turn my head towards her, quick enough not to lose control over the truck. It's merely a second, but it's long enough for me to spot her eyes looking at me in shock, as if I had done something terrible. They were also very sad. The image of her eyes and how they had looked at me burns in my mind for the rest of the ride, which was only a few streets more. In the meantime, Nicole got tired of sitting up and looking at me, so she got back into her original position and started scanning the buildings and objects flashing by us again. Suddenly, I hear her voice. It's a murmur and it cracks in the middle of her first word. Her voice must be just as tired as the both of us. She clears her throat and tries again, this time it works.   
"We're almost there."

_You've arrived at your destination_

"Yeah, duh, that's what I just said."   
Even after all that's happened, her silliness still cracks me up. She asks me why I'm laughing and I tell her nothing.

"Come on, let's get you inside."  
She struggles with getting out of the car and walking without tripping over her own feet before being able to arrive at her front door, so I grab her hand to steady her. It tingles when she accepts it. I can faintly hear her say something along the lines of: 'I don't need your help, I am grown woman', but she makes no move to get rid of my hand, so I pretend I didn't hear her.

"Keys."  
"Nicole, this is your house."   
"Ah... right." She turns back to her door and stares at the lock. It looks like she's trying to remember how to open it, and I know I shouldn't but I can't help but laugh at how stupid she can be when she has drunk. After a few seconds, she slowly turns her body towards me again and looks at me guiltily.   
"I lost my keys."   
Oh, man. Please, no. I give her a disapproving look and make her check all of her pockets, but the only results are fifty cents, a business card for a vintage shop in New York (why did she have that she 1. doesn't look like the person to go to New York and 2. not at all to shop at a vintage clothing store) and an old wrapper for chewing gum. I sigh in defeat as to what I'm supposed to do with her now. It's not like I don't enjoy taking care of her, because I do enjoy it. People have to do this for me - or actually, used to do this for me - all the time, so it is nice to be on the other side for once, especially with Nicole. But this is not the ideal situation to be in at this moment. It would be best if I took her to my apartment with me and let her crash there for the night. That wouldn't be weird, would it. She's drunk and I can't just let her sit out here.   
"We'll deal with the key-situation tomorrow, let's go", I announce.   
"To where?"  
"My place"  
"I'll be okay, Waves. See I'll just sleep here." She pets the stone ground on which she's sat down on. The nickname she calls me makes my heart speed up and I feel like my chest is going to burst open to let all of the locked up butterflies escape. But then I think about what she actually said.   
"Nicole..."  
Even when she's wasted, she knows better than to go with me. I deserve that, I guess. But I won't let her out here all alone.   
"You can't sleep on the ground, come."

* * *

 

After a long time of convincing Nicole to go with me, I finally get her to step in the truck and come with me to my old apartment I'm staying at. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. But she's not in the state to take in much of my living space right now, and that calms my nerves a bit. She already dozed off when we arrive at the big flat building where I live, and I take in her peaceful sleeping form. I hate to do it, but after a while I shake her awake to tell her we've arrived. Perhaps if we weren't in a fight right now, I would've tried to carry her inside instead of disrupting her sleep. Her eyes flutter open and reveal the most beautiful brown eyes I've ever seen. It's like she forgot the last couple of months, because she looks _happy_ she sees me. I want her happiness to last forever, but in an instant, she remembers everything and her whole aura changes. She looks like she's almost _disgusted_ by me. It makes me feel exactly how I'd felt when she yelled at me earlier, in the middle of the streets of Purgatory. Had it been a bad idea for me to have searched for her again? Was it bad that I went back to that café every night for two weeks (how long it had been since the funeral) in hopes of seeing her? Whether it was bad or not, it worked. It might've been coincidence, it might have been faith, but I know one thing for sure: I would've come back to the café every night for the rest of the year if that meant I got to see her again. Unfortunately, the reunion didn't go as planned, obviously, but I was still happy I found her back.

When we walk to the entrance, I try to grab her hand again, but she slaps it away. I guess she has sobered up a little. Suddenly, I feel very uncomfortable with this whole situation. But there's nothing else I can do, it's probably already four by now.

"Why did you do it?", she asks when I turn the key to make the automatic door open for us.   
"Do what?"   
I know what.  
"You know what."  
"Let's talk inside? It's cold."  
It's now that I notice how different she looks, in the dim lighting at the front door of my apartment complex. Her eyes are tired and sad, and I feel incredibly guilty. I made her into this, I did this. I feel like touching her face and telling her it's alright, that I'm here now, but I know I shouldn't. So we walked up the stairs to my door without saying a word, neither of us knows what to say. The silence is thick and nothing like it had been the night we first met. Now it feels like a terrible weight on my shoulders and it makes me feel sad that this is what I did to us. I've been stupid for leaving her. But I can't change that now, I'll just have to do my best to win her back.   
"This is it", I say pointing to the door with the big golden '34' on it. What in the hell am I doing?

* * *

Dressed in Waverly's old shirt and with freshly washed face and brushed teeth, Nicole lays next to her on the bed. The two had built a barrier of pillows between them, which, honestly, made everything even more awkward. They passed the stage of being tired and it wouldn't really be a use to sleep now anyway, since the night is almost already over. But despite that, they lay silently next to each other in the bed, both pretending to be asleep. Nicole had drunken a few glasses of water before crawling under the covers and was almost fully sober right now. She must have hesitated for ten full minutes, but finally she had the guts to break the silence which had hung over the two ever since entering the building. 

"Are you awake?"  
Waverly contemplates whether she should pretend and not answer, but decides against it at the last minute.   
"Yeah."  
Nicole isn't sure what to say. She wants to ask her what she had asked her earlier, but was it the right moment? She kind of liked the peace of they were in and enjoyed the presence of the woman next to her. But she couldn't take it anymore, she had to.  
"So, why did you leave?"   
The question is so blunt that Waverly is perplexed and unable to answer for a few seconds. But she quickly recovers and straightens her mind to answer Nicole honestly.  
"I was scared. Terrified."   
"Of what? Me?"  
"Myself"   
She turns her body and scans Nicole's side profile. Waverly wants Nicole to turn around to her so badly, too, but she doesn't. Nicole instead stares focused at the ceiling, like the answers to her all of problems are printed on the white paint. Her lips move gently as she speaks again. She seems strangely calm, maybe because it's the peak of the morning and she died have any energy left or maybe because she's done fighting.   
"You put me through hell. I know that I can't blame you for everything, but god. God, you hurt me, Waverly."   
Waverly wants to interrupt her but Nicole keeps talking.   
"When we, you know, when we slept together that one night, I thought we had a connection. I thought you felt that, just like I did," she turns her body towards Waverly now too and stares deeply into her eyes before taking a deep breath. "It had been a long time since a person like you was in my life, Waverly. And then when you ignored me, I felt so stupid. I think I haven't been so embarrassed in my whole life." There's a pause and they just look at each other, the pain and guilt visible in both pairs of eyes.  
"I never meant to hurt you this badly", Waverly whispers. "I thought I was doing a good job in not maintaining a relationship with you. When I say it out loud now it sounds so dumb, I know." She laughs but her eyes tell that she doesn't find it funny at all. "I hated myself. I didn't want to ruin you, you were so perfect. I really would have ruined you if I hadn't stopped talking to you."  
"You did ruin me, in a way. Even when you left." Waverly pauses and thinks about this. She knew she hurt the other woman, but she hadn't heard her say it like this before. The realization of what she had done makes a tear escape her eye and it rolls over her nose, onto the pillow she's resting on. Nicole extends her arm and smoothly runs her thumb over Waverly's skin, wiping the tear stain off of her face.   
"I'm not mad", Nicole reassuringly whispers to the sad person in front of her. "Not anymore." She doesn't remove her hand from her cheek.   
"I just wanted what was best for you, Nicole. Really. And I guess also what was worst for me. Not talking to you was some sort of weird punishment I gave myself, because I felt like I had to punish myself." Nicole processes what Waverly's telling her and feels broken-hearted, this time not for herself but for the girl she was so smitten with.   
"But know that every time you called me, every time you texted me, I wanted to respond. I thought about you for days and nights and felt miserable about how much I missed you. I have never felt like the way I feel about you. And what you said before, about the connection you felt? I did feel it, Nicole." Tears are streaming down both of their faces by now and Waverly throws the pillows that separated them before across her bedroom, not needing the barrier any longer. "I'm so sorry, Nicole."  
"I'm sorry, too", Nicole responds and her slight southern accent creeps up her words when she says it.   
"You have nothing to be sorry for, hey. Okay?" But Nicole knows that's not true.   
"But I do. I made you think you were the only reason why I'm like this now, but you're not. I'm depressed." She waits for Waverly's reaction before she continues. Now it's Waverly's turn to wipe off the tears off Nicole's cheeks.   
"I'm depressed and I didn't realize it up until very recently. And my boss fired me. Because I am depressed. And on top of that, the money I received from my work I didn't only need to pay the bills and for food, no, my mom's medicine. I payed for her medicine and I really don't know what to do now, Waverly." She wanted to cry and cry until she couldn't anymore.   
"Hey, we're gonna figure it out. You and me, yeah?" Hearing Waverly saying this to her only made her cry harder, but she was unsure if it was out of happiness or sadness.   
"I want you to hold me. Could you just hold me?", Nicole almost begs Waverly. But Waverly doesn't even have to think twice about it and reaches over to grab the ginger girl in her arms and hold her tightly in her embrace. They stay like this for the remaining hours of the morning.

The next morning the sphere is a lot more comfortable and the two ladies can actually have small talk without feeling awkward or screaming at each other. They don't speak about the night before though, but they don't need to. It's like a silent agreement not to question the encounter they had. Nicole has to leave early on, because she promised her mom she'd drop by the medicine she bought, and she wasn't sure if it would be okay for her to ask Waverly if she could text her. But Waverly went her first.   
"I'll call you, if you're okay with that?"  
"Yeah. Yes, I'm okay with that", she smiles towards Waverly.  
"So what's gonna happen with your keys? You lost them last night, do you remember?"   
"Vaguely." It makes her laugh.  
"No, but I actually just found them right here, in my inside pocket", and she points towards the inside of her coat. Waverly smacks her forehead for completely forgetting she could've had an inside pocket too, but she can't stay mad for long, since the events that happened led them to where they are now.   
"Are you gonna be okay?", Waverly asks Nicole. Nicole finds her worrying cute, but she doesn't tell her.   
"Yes, I'll be fine", Nicole gives her a smile to reassure her that she really is okay.   
"Okay. Well, I'll see you then? Right?"  
"Yes, Waverly, don't worry." They stand there, both thinking the same thing but neither of them moving. Waverly thinks it would be rude or weird to kiss her, but would it really? If she didn't do it now, maybe she would regret it later. She tells herself that she needs to follow her heart, not to make the same mistake she made before which made her lose Nicole. So she leans in. And at the same time, so does Nicole, like she knew exactly what was going to happen. Their kiss doesn't last too long, but for them it's more than enough. It feels like Nicole gained superpowers and was able to do anything she wanted, and to Waverly it feels like she was going to melt right on the spot. But what they have in common is the crazy big childish smile plastered on their faces.   
"Uh, okay. Yeah I'm- I'll go now", Nicole stammers as she almost trips over herself when she turns around to walk towards the door and Waverly just laughs at how goofy she is.   
"Okay, bye. Bye", Nicole tells Waverly again because she doesn't really feel like leaving but she knows she has to. She just wants to have an excuse to talk to her one last time. The beautiful sound of Waverly's laughter is the last thing she hears when she pulls the door shut behind her and Waverly yells one last 'Be careful!' to her, and then she's gone.


	6. six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out my new oneshot for Holtzmann. If you are a Kate Mckinnon/Ghostbusters fan you’ll like it! (I hope) 
> 
> Enjoy this chapter, I had some trouble uploading it sorry!

In the two long weeks after Waverly and Nicole's special reunion, everything started falling into place. It happened slowly, but it definitely happened. Nicole recognizes it's a lot of progress the two of them made, even when it's not noticeable at first glance. But if you compare it to what their relationship was like just a couple of months ago, they made a complete 180 degree turn. Nearly every day Waverly texted or phoned Nicole to check up on her and ask her about her day, and on a few special occasions she had even come over to watch a movie with her and Calamity Jane. The first time she visited Nicole's house again was when she had to pick up her jacket which she had - very purposely - left laying in Nicole's car that one night, as a backup plan to see the other girl again if her other tactics failed on her. Since she didn't really need the backup plan after all, it had still worked nicely as a good excuse to come over without sounding too needy.

Neither one has mentioned a thing about the kiss they had shared in Waverly's apartment, but one evening Nicole did mention that she'd prefer if they would take it slow, and so Waverly obviously respected her needs and hadn't asked about their status yet. The question was burning in her mind every time she spoke to her, though, and secretly Nicole felt the same way. Neither Waverly nor Nicole had terribly busy lives at the moment, so that left more than enough time for both of them to invest in building a strong friendship with each other and getting a fresh new start. Waverly was free for another two weeks until she had to leave for the European tour, till then she was often found in the local dance studio, teaching younger kids, now it being a hobby because of the amount of time on her hands and the fact that she's a full time back up dancer and performer, but it used to be her everyday job. In Waverly's tough youth, she always turned to dancing as her escape, and the studio was almost like her second home. Because of this (and maybe because she was the best kid there), the owners of the dance studio, which Waverly calls her unofficial parents, built a strong relationship with her. They supported her through everything and while she grew up into the confident woman she is now, they helped her create that confidence. They helped her find an apartment and offered her a job when she left home at sixteen. One day, after much, much talking, they convinced Waverly to audition for one of Lady Gaga's dancers. They drove her to it themselves, all three of them being totally oblivious to the fact that this was going to change Waverly's life forever.

When she isn't teaching these days, she's at her apartment, digging through old boxes of photographs and other documents of her childhood. Ever since she returned to Purgatory she'd been feeling really nostalgic. It might have to do something with the death of Willa. A day after Waverly and her team finished the last show in the US a couple of weeks ago, she had gotten the message about Willa's funeral. She had wondered and thought about whether she should show up for hours and hours. Her whole life her family rejected her, humiliated her, psychologically abused her. She never belonged to her older two sisters, and they always laughed at her for being different than the rest of them. Her entire life she was told she was less than everyone. Waverly was always convinced that she had been adopted because of the big difference between her and her family, but according to her mom, she 'unfortunately remembers giving birth to Waverly' and so, she really was an Earp. On paper, then. In reality she would do anything to not be associated with that name ever. But, Waverly didn't want to disrespect her dead sister like that and not show up to her damn funeral, maybe if she just showed up for her. It's not that she was incredibly sad about it, but Willa was still her sister. And the fact that she could have a chance to see Nicole again (which was a big factor) made Waverly take the final decision of taking a flight back to Purgatory.

Now she sits here, alone in her apartment, staring at the few childhood photos she has of herself. She misses Nicole. Today had been uneventful and Waverly was bored of just sitting around and not really doing anything. She had considered dropping by Nicole's to surprise her, but Waverly wasn't sure if that would've been appropriate. She wants so badly to take it to the next step with Nicole, but Waverly is scared she might be crossing boundaries. When they texted, Waverly sometimes made a flirty comment and she was given a good response by Nicole instead of her yelling at her or whatever, so that gave Waverly confidence to maybe ask her out. She had been trying to do that, but for some reason she was just so nervous she couldn't. But somehow, perhaps because of the boredom or because of the way she misses Nicole more than on normal days, Waverly jumps up from the floor and leaves the pictures to grab her phone and dials Nicole's number. She bites her lip in anticipation and with every 'beep' she hears, her stomach turns more. Finally, she hears the other girl picking up on the other side.

"Hey, you", Nicole gleefully answers her phone.  
"Hi! Nicole!" It's hard for Waverly to hide her nerves and she hopes Nicole doesn't notice her nervous tone.  
"Are you okay? Why did you call me?" Nicole sounds a little worried but she's trying to hide it too.  
"Uh, I was just- I was wondering if you were free later? Like could we maybe, I don't know, hang out, you and me?", Waverly spits out and silently gasps for air after. Okay, that didn't go exactly like planned. "If you don't want to that's alri-", before she can continue apologizing for something that doesn't need an apology, Nicole cuts her off.  
"I am indeed free today and would love to hang out, Waverly. Movie again at my place?"  
"Actually, I wanted to do something for you for a change. Is that okay with you?"  
"A date?"  
"If you want to?"  
"I would love to. I'm already looking forward to it, Waves." It's the first time she used Waverly's nickname since she'd drunkly slipped it out, which meant a lot.

* * *

"Why are you smiling so much, honey? Someone special you wanna tell me about, huh?", my mom brings out in her raspy voice and laughs at her own remark. It's followed by a great coughing fit. I guess she read my face because I just got off the phone with Waverly and she asked me out on a date. Finally. No matter how much I try to stop it, my huge grin is impossible to wipe off my face. I'm not even mad at mom's statement and I just laugh it off. I still can't stop smiling and I don't want to either.

"Nic, tell me about the book you talked about before you took the call", my mom interrupts my thoughts about the date. I completely forgot I was talking about the book Waverly gave me right after I spent the night at her apartment.  
"Well, it's called 'First Aid For Negative Thoughts' and it's filled with a bunch of quotes from wise persons, like monks and all that." Because I didn't have the money for professional therapy at the moment, Waverly gave me the book, not to cure my depression, but to help me cope with it, which the book definitely did.  
"Mind readin' me some, sweets? You know I could use a little positivity. Really wouldn't hurt, ya know?" I grab the book from my bag and after quickly stroking the smoothness of the cover (it has a big cross made out of bandaids on it), I open the book on a random page. It has a quote from a guy named Nana Mouskouri: “I do believe that if you haven’t learnt about sadness, you cannot appreciate happiness”. I tell it to my mom and she breathes deeply. She seems to be touched by the quote and even though it doesn’t do much to myself, I’m still choked up. Not because of Nana but because of my mom’s reaction. She tells me: “You know, angel, that Nani man is right. I treasure you a lot, not because my life is shit most of the time, but because I love you.”  
“Love you too. Maybe they should put you in the book, that was very deep.”  
“Watch out, you.”  
My phone buzzes and when I pick it up I see that Waverly texted me.

**Waverly: you like pizza?  
Nicole: You bet your ass I do.  
Waverly: good.**

* * *

I quickly unpack the filled shopping bag and lay out all the ingredients I bought. I rarely cook but I figured it would be romantic if Nicole and I prepared a meal together. To keep it on my level of course, we’re making pizza. I glance at my kitchen clock and see that Nicole’ll be here in twenty minutes. Before checking if the kitchen looks alright, I move over to the living room and make sure all the mess that was here before, gets either kicked under the couch or stuffed into a closet. Let’s pray to god she won’t open them, not if she doesn’t want to die from an avalanche of crap that I am too lazy to properly clean and repeatedly shoved into the way too small closets. After I’m done with that I rush off into my bathroom and do all the necessary things so I look presentable. Luckily I picked out my outfit earlier today, otherwise I would’ve ripped my hair out. Right after I put on the black dress and look into the mirror to make sure I look alright (and fixing my hair one last time - I liked that other hairstyle better, anyway), I hear the doorbell ring. I run to my living room, let Nicole into the building and wait for her to get to my door. When I hear her knock on it a few moments later, suddenly my nerves reach a high that they’ve never been at. As soon as I open the door I’m greeted by Nicole’s warm smile. I unashamedly and honestly unawarely check her out and the result of that is definitely not disappointing. She’s wearing tight jeans and a loose flannel. In her hand she holds a bouquet of red roses and probably because she followed my eyes to her hand, she hands me the, in cellophane wrapped, flowers. A note is attached to it and I open the little card to read what it says.

“Dear Waverly,  
As soon as I laid eyes on you, I was struck. For that reason, the roses. Roses can be used to express feelings and each different number and color can change the meaning. I’m not gonna tell you why I gave you six red roses, but I’ll be waiting for you when you find the answer.  
Love,  
Nicole”

I look at her and she nervously smiles at me, I can see she is hoping that I liked her gift and of course I did, so I thank her and ask her to come in. When I lay my hand on the small of her back when she steps into the room, all my bad feelings and nerves drain away as my body makes contact with hers for the first time in two weeks. I take her coat and put it on a hanger for her, and when I turn around and am met with the beauty that is Nicole, I know this is going to be a good evening.


	7. seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I wanted to say I appreciate everyone’s feedback and enjoy this (overdue) chapter!

Nicole's back clashes with the cold metal of the fridge. Her fingers are entangled in Waverly's locks and they pull her hair, in response she gets a deep moan from her. Waverly's fingers have found their way under Nicole's shirt and they cause goosebumps and an electric feeling as they ghost over Nicole's abdomen. The room is filled with the smell of herbs and the sound of deep breathing. Waverly’s lips are trembling with happiness and adrenaline, she has craved this for so long. She kisses Nicole like she's dehydrated, and Nicole's lips are ice cold water. She kisses her like she's dying and Nicole is her only cure. Their mouths move in sync and their eyes are closed one moment, then admiring each other the next. Two heartbeats become one and they can't control themselves and help but attack each other with tender but hungry kisses. Waverly feels like kissing every part of Nicole's skin, it would be the only way for her to express the love she carries for the girl in this moment. Instead, she settles for her neck first, and she slowly makes her way down Nicole's jaw, to her throat and then on the side of her neck. She sucks softly on her pulse point and immediately there's a visible mark growing on the spot.  
"I've missed you", she growls against the skin of Nicole's neck. Nicole grabs her cheeks to make their faces on the same height again and Waverly moves her head to bite on Nicole's thumb, and Nicole has to shut her thighs together violently because of the sensation of her crush biting on her finger like that. She stares deeply into Waverly's eyes, in her ears she hears the pounding of her heartbeat. It's going insane and every second it goes more crazy. Her chest fills with love and it almost _hurts_ , but it’s a good kind of pain.   
"I missed you, too", she breathes finally. They both don't say anything but are just standing there, together in the kitchen, holding each other and admiring each other's presence. Waverly’s eyes suddenly get a devilish glance in them and her pupils grow twice their size. She moves her hand down Nicole’s stomach and while keeping eye contact, she slips her hand past Nicole’s jeans’s waistband. Suddenly she freezes. The repeated sound the oven makes because it’s ready snaps them both out of their bubble of sexual tension. They want to be annoyed, yet they start giggling at the same time when they realize they've been cockblocked - or rather: vaglected - by their own food.    
"We couldn't even wait until dessert", Waverly laughs.   
"There's dessert?", Nicole asks eagerly, like a child.   
"Yes," Waverly starts smirking, "it's me."   
"Ah."   
"What? Not what you were expecting?"  
"Not quite", Nicole tells the other girl and fakes being upset. Waverly rolls her eyes and gets the steaming pizza out of the oven, she can't help but break her annoyed facade when she spots the smiling face that Nicole created on her part of the dough.   
"Well, then, lucky for you I also have tiramisu for after."   
Nicole approaches her with a huge smile and wraps her arms around Waverly's neck.   
"I was just joking, I'd have you for dessert every day if I could." She winks at her playfully before kissing her; they both smile into it. After a while Waverly pushes her back.  
"Now, let's finally eat before my organs actually eat themselves."  
"Ew."

  
Waverly guides Nicole to her living room. She doesn’t officially have a dining table, so she did her best dining the small table she has in front of her couch. On the floor there’s two pillows, her best replacement for chairs. Nicole is stunned by the lit candles all around the room and the music playing on the TV. The room smells of the roses Nicole gifted Waverly earlier. From one glance at the playlist on the screen, she can tell it’s all sappy songs that are very suitable for first dates. Normally she would’ve cringed in disgust at the cliche-ness of it all, but because it’s Waverly doing this for her, she instead blushes.   
“Waves,” she starts off when they’ve taken their seats, “this is beautiful.”   
“I thought you would’ve found it too much, I’m glad you like it.”   
They stare at each other lovingly. This is all that Waverly has been waiting for the moment she left poor Nicole sitting there in the café. This is all that Nicole has wanted since she saw Waverly’s hips move on stage when she danced in front of her. It feels like an eternity since that night and everything has changed, but also nothing has. They eat and talk and talk until the stars appear and the candles start to dim. In a long time, neither has felt this content and loved. They end up slow dancing to old jazz a couple of hours later, and it feels like it’s just them. Just the two of them on this whole godforsaken world, and everything is alright for once. Waverly’s head leans on Nicole’s broad shoulder and Nicole kisses the top of her head. Her hair still smells the same it did when she smelled it in the hotel bed. Suddenly something scary appears in Waverly’s mind. She has to leave her again when she leaves for Europe. She hadn’t thought about it, she didn’t forget but she was distracted with winning a heart back. Her hand unconsciously grabs Nicole’s tighter, she doesn’t want to let go. Maybe she’s not thinking realistically because of the overjoy she gets from spending the evening with Nicole, or maybe it’s just fear.   
“Come with me.”  
“What?”  
“Come with me.”   
They stop dancing. Waverly looks at Nicole innocently and pushes a lock of the ginger hair behind her ear.   
“Go with me to Europe. We can explore the world together. You’re just stuck here, anyway. Please, please come with me.”   
Nicole is silent. She’s not hurt, but she’s just realized this means she has to choose between the two people she loves the very most.   
“Waves... my mom.”   
“I’m sorry, you’re right. You’ve to stay here, of course you do.”  
“I’m so sorry.”  
“Don’t be. I can’t make you leave her. I am sorry,” she takes a deep breath before finishing her sentence, “just promise me, Nicole, that you will wait for me.”   
Nicole looks at her like she wants to cry. She strokes Waverly’s hair and makes her lean into a kiss by putting her finger against Waverly’s chin. She swears she can feel a tear fall down the girl’s face when their mouths meet.   
“I promise”, she whispers against her lips.

* * *

 _Pads, coconut milk, apples, almonds_ , I repeat in my head, walking down the candy isle. _Pads, coconut milk, apples, almonds_. In my cart there’s a bottle of red wine and I throw a pack of chocolate chip cookies in it, too. Dammit. In the store there’s quiet top 40 music playing and I hear a child crying and a mom scolding. Behind me I hear the beeps of the scanners. _Pads, coconut milk, apples, almonds_ , I continue. Bit by bit I collect the ensemble. No one ever warns you about the amount of self control it takes to grocery shop when they talk about adulthood. It’s always money, love, jobs, family. It never is shopping. I’ve had two more moments of lost of self control: potato chips and chocolate pudding. When I’ve got everything I need, I place it all on the counter. One by one. _Chips, milk, cookies, bag of apples, almonds, pads, pudding, wine_. I look at the rack in front of me and immediately get tempted to put one of the packets of cigarettes next to my groceries on the counter. I do it, I blame the third mistake on the adults who didn’t warn me about self control. When the grumpy lady starts scanning my products, the loud mom and her baby leave and when the tinted glass doors slide open, they reveal the noise of a running engine. I look up, the doors are just barely open, they’re sliding back closed. But that moment was enough for me to see Wynonna standing next to her motorbike. 

“That’ll be $15,20.”

Her voice sounds irritated. She chews her gum annoyingly while waiting for my money.   
I can’t concentrate and throw her a 20 dollar bill. I mumble about change and throw my stuff into the tote bag. “Coffee lover (I swear I’m not a hipster)”, it says on it. I got it for my birthday, I think Asiel gave it to me. I hate that bag, but it’s all I had.   
_Coconut milk, pads, cookies, wine, almonds, pudding, chips, apples_ , cigarettes stay in my hand. I get one out of the packet before hastily throwing it in the hipster-bag on top of the other items. I put the cig in my mouth and throw the bag over my shoulder. My pace is fast when I walk towards the sliding doors, I hold the ends of my jacket and keep my head down. I don’t believe in god, but I’m silently praying she doesn’t see me. The doors open and my pace gets even faster.   
“Waverly!”   
Her voice hasn’t changed. Hearing my name come out of her mouth makes me cringe. I want to keep walking but she calls me name again. I look up and Wynonna is already running towards me. I want to run away and scream that I don’t want to talk to her, but I’m frozen.   
“Waverly. I haven’t seen you since...,” she pauses. She can’t say Willa’s name. She certainly can’t say Willa’s funeral. Her sunglasses don’t hide the black eye, but I don’t care enough to ask her about it.   
“What made you come back? I... Would you like to catch up soon? I’m really sorry, but I have to run now.”   
I wanted her to apologize for everything, not for running out of time to talk to me. I want to say that I don’t want to see her again. I want to run. But I just stand there without saying a word. I just stand while my sister talks to me.   
“I’ll give you a call.”   
And she’s gone.   
I light the cigarette.


	8. eight

"One more time!"   
As soon as the play button gets pressed, speakers start blasting an upbeat runway song. The room is filled with the high electronic sounds and sassy singing of an auto tuned man's voice. The rapid beats of the bass pound in everyone's ears and Waverly can feel it all the way down to her stomach. Her heartbeat is synced up to the beat and in her mind she follows every count along with the rhythm.   
"Five, six, seven, eight, leg, turn, bam!"   
In the mirror she can see everyone copying her exact moves, some better than others. Her face is flushed and there's a visible sweat stain forming on her sports bra. She put her hair neatly into a ponytail earlier, but a part of it has escaped the elastic already and sticks out remarkably compared to the other slicked back hairs. A concentrated, determined focus can be read on everyone's face and Waverly checks each of them. A small blonde girl next to her sticks out from the rest of the group; she moves her body with such energy, it's tiring to even look at her. Waverly's eyes fall on her and she starts to smile immediately. She's truly lucky to have been able to teach such young talents. She understands now why she had always been welcomed in this studio, she understands the love for these kids now. The music reaches its climax and everything gets louder and heightened.  
"Guys, get ready for the drop," she waits a few moment before she starts counting, "five, six, seven, go!"   
Waverly sticks out her leg and drops elegantly to the floor, in unison with all of her students.   
"Roseanne, good job!"   
A girl in the back makes eye contact with Waverly through the giant mirror when she hears her name.   
"Watch your ankle!"   
"Toby, bend your knee more. You've got it!"  
Waverly is so focused on nailing the floor choreography and helping the kids cover up their mistakes, she doesn’t even notice the tall figure standing in the doorframe of her studio. Nicole silently watches Waverly’s every move, taking in each movement she makes. The final part of the music, and thus the dance also, has arrived. She sits on all fours for it and whips her hair - her ponytail - back and forth. Quickly, she jumps up again and does some other moves that Nicole would die for to see in slow motion. A twirl, a shake of her hip, Nicole is practically drooling. At the same time, she feels immensely proud of the dancing girl in front of her. In the short time that they’ve known each other, Nicole has really grown to love Waverly, and she hadn’t really thought about it until this moment. She has never felt so proud of, attracted to and scared by one person all at once, and she doesn’t know if she should run or protect her forever. She’s always run away from love, just like Waverly did. But this time around everything seems different, like a mishap in the universe and a parallel world was created. Both of the girls never experienced lasting happiness in their lives, and now when they’ve found it in each other, everything is just so scary. Nicole was so busy staring at Waverly, she hadn’t noticed the music ending. Waverly, wiping the sweat of her brow with the back of her hand, spots Nicole the moment she snaps out of her trance. Waverly has never felt this happy because of someone showing up to see her. Her heart thumps in her chest, because of her dancing and because of her Nicole. Quickly she tells her class they can go and get changed and does a small motivational speech she does at the end of every class before running up to Nicole. She grabs her and presses her face into Nicole’s chest out of happiness, and Nicole wraps her arms around her in surprise.   
“Hi”, Waverly’s mumbling voice sounds muffled against Nicole’s shirt. She laughs in response and Waverly’s head shakes because of the vibrations forming because of that laugh. She lifts her head again and strokes Nicole’s cheek softly with her thumb. Not even two seconds later Waverly is standing on her tiptoes and pressing her lips against Nicole’s. When she breaks the kiss, Nicole breathes out slowly and when she opens her eyes, she finds Waverly already looking at her.  
“Hey”, she says quietly.   
“Was that okay?”, Waverly whispers.   
Even though she didn’t really say it, Nicole knows what she means.  
“Yeah,” there’s a small pause. She bites her lip, “I think it is.”   
They smile at each other and Waverly strokes Nicole’s cheek yet again.   
“I missed you. Can I say that?”  
“I just told you it was alright”, Nicole reassures her with a half smile, “I missed you. I’ve been looking forward to seeing you all week.”   
“You just decided to stop by? How did you even know I was here?”, Waverly laughs with a confused look on her face.   
Nicole takes a moment to think about telling her the truth or ignoring her question.   
“Uh, your Instagram story.”   
Waverly hides her face in embarrassment and whines about being so stupid and Nicole just laughs at her and wraps her arms around her torso again, calming her.   
“I was stalking you”, she jokes and wiggles her eyebrows.   
“No, but really, I was on my way to my mother and I just wanted to see you.”  
“Your mom?”   
While waiting for the response she grabs Nicole’s hands and intertwines their fingers. Nicole looks down at them and swings their arms back and forth.   
“Yeah.”  
“Do you mind if I come along?”   
Nicole eyes dart up to make sure Waverly was being serious.  
“Is that okay?”  
“I mean, sure”, she stammers, “Can I ask why?”   
Waverly tells her she wants to ask both of them something important and Nicole cautiously approves of her going with.   
“I need to take a shower first, I’m sweaty.”   
Nicole can’t help but jokingly mimic Waverly.  
“Do you mind if I come along?”

* * *

With rosy cheeks and damp hair, they sit beside each other in Nicole’s truck. Waverly’s playing with Nicole’s fingers in her lap while Nicole drives them to her mom’s house.   
“I’m gonna have to visit you more often”, Nicole commented. She looks over really quickly with a big smirk on her face, “you’re so fucking sexy when you dance.”  
Waverly snickers and puts her feet on the dashboard.   
“You mind if I have a cigarette?”, Waverly asks as she rolls down the window. Nicole tells her no, but she didn’t know she started smoking again.   
“Oh yeah,” Waverly reaches down in her purse to grab her pack of Marlboros and stops in the middle of her sentence when she sees her phone light up, it’s Wynonna. She clicks the decline button before Nicole can look over and bust her.   
“Wave? Are you okay down there?”   
“Yes,” she lights the cigarette that she sticked in her mouth, “never been better, babe.” She winks at the concerned Nicole next to her to calm her down and it seems to work, she looks back at the road and sings along to the music mindlessly. Waverly stares out her window the rest of the ride, disquieted about the name that popped on her phone screen. Nicole’s soothing voice telling her that they’ve arrived snaps her out of it, she’d been lost in her thoughts all the way.   
“Are you sure you’re okay? You seem a little bit out of it - are you not comfortable with me? Did you not like earlier, because if so-”  
“Nicole!” Waverly has to stop Nicole’s rambling and smiles at her. “I am comfortable with you. I loved earlier, really. I’m just tired, I promise.” They look at each other for a minute and Nicole sighs and accepts Waverly’s explanation.   
“Let’s go then”, Nicole says as she takes the keys out of the ignition. 

* * *

“Hi mom!”, Nicole greets as she walks through the door. Her mom looks up and even though it hurts Nicole to see her mother get worse with every visit, she stays positive for her.   
“You brought a guest, I see”, her mom notices. “About time you took a girl with you, or am I seeing this the wrong way?”   
Nicole’s face heats up immediately and she groans out her disapproval of her mom acting like that. Her mom just shushes her and tells her it’s a joke and winks at Waverly right after, making sure she knows too. All Waverly does is just laugh at the situation going on in front of her. As soon as she stepped into the house, she grew shy, something that’s never quite happened in her life. First of all it’s because of the fact she’s meeting Nicole’s mother. Maybe not as official as it usually goes; a fancy dinner, awkward silences and suspicious questions, but it’s still just as nerve wrecking in this moment. Secondly, because she’s about to ask one of the most important questions she’ll ask in her life. And third of all, Nicole and her just had shower sex and the fact that her mom might notice that both of their hair is wet, makes her very nervous. Despite the nerves, Waverly still manages to introduce herself, but leaving the ‘girlfriend - or what are we, Nicole’ part out, instead just settling on saying her name and how she met her daughter. They talk some more while Nicole goes and does some basic chores at the house, things that her mom can’t do by her self due to her state of health.   
“Did you go swimming today?”   
Nicole walks out the kitchen the moment her mom asked the question, not particularly at her, not aimed at Waverly either.   
“Why? Oh. Oh, yes, mom. Yes we did.” Nicole’s eyes shoot to Waverly and they both share a look of guilt. Honestly, they want to burst out laughing, but they can control themselves when they think of the woman next to them finding out what they did before coming to visit her. She breaks the silence by asking the girls if they’d like a cup of tea and they both take her offer. She moves to stand up, but she barely can get on het feet, let alone walk to the kitchen and brew tea by herself. Nicole runs over to her and Waverly jumps up on her feet, reacting to the lady’s struggles of getting up.   
“Mom, I told you to not do that. I’ll do it for you.”  
“No, honey, it’s okay. I can do it myself, you have a seat.”  
“You have a seat, mom. You’re so stubborn, you can’t use your energy to do something useless like this.”   
With much disapproval from her mom, she manages to make her sit down again and she prepares the tea for all of them.   
“Well, mom, Waverly actually came along to ask us something important”, Nicole tells her as she sets down the tray with cups and cookies, “isn’t that right?”   
Waverly shifts on her seat and puts her hands under her thighs to stop wiggling so much.  
“Yes ma’am, I actually want to ask you something quite personal.” Her eyes find Nicole’s face and she silently asks if she should continue. Nicole blinks slowly and nods her head, telling her that it’s alright.  
Waverly continues: “You know about Nicole not being able to afford your medication anymore, since she lost her job. And my income is pretty steady. I guess you don’t really know me that well,”   
“Well, my daughter has talked enough about you”, she interrupts her.  
“Miss Haught, I’m going to pay for it. Are you alright with that?” There’s a pause, a long one. Nicole swallows harshly and looks at Waverly in disbelief, she wasn’t expecting her to ask this.   
“But child, I can’t accept that offer. You’re a sweet girl, but I can’t make you do it.”  
“Please. If Nicole has told you enough about me then you would know I wouldn’t want to see her anything but happy. And for her to be happy, you need to be cured. I promise you, miss, that I want to do this. Please let me pay for it. The doctor appointments, the research, the medication, all of it.” She’s got a pleading look on her face and she’s sitting on her knees in front of Nicole’s mom by now. For a few moments, all that can be heard is the ticking of the old wooden clock in the corner of the room, notifying every passing second that no one is answering. Then, as Waverly is about to stand up and back off, thinking she offended the woman, she gets wrapped in a tight, sudden hug. Nicole’s mother has slammed her arms around Waverly and holds her as if she’s her own child. Nicole silently lets out a few tears and long breaths, she can’t believe this is happening. 

* * *

Without saying a word, Nicole and Waverly sit next to each other in the car again. After she got wrapped up in the hug, Waverly was being thanked over and over again, and it didn’t stop until the very last moment when the front door was shut. Nicole’s eyes are red from her happy crying. They break the silence at the same time and they nervously try to soften the mood.   
“You go first”, Waverly says smoothly.   
“Thank you so much. Waverly, are you sure you want to do this?” Waverly turns her head and looks at Nicole lovingly. She lets her hand run against the smooth skin of Nicole’s cheek.   
“I’ve done a lot of stupid things in the past. I wasn’t about to make another mistake I would regret forever. I’m more sure about this than anything.” Nicole’s eyes well up with tears yet again and she lets out a sound of both happiness and relief. She grabs Waverly’s face with both hands and pulls her in for a long, heartfelt kiss. When they pull away they rest their foreheads against each other. Nicole’s eyes are closed and she’s smiling like an idiot, Waverly’s are opened and looking up at the face of the girl she loves.   
“Nic”, Waverly breathes.  
Nicole hums in response and still doesn’t open her eyes.  
“I still have something I want to ask you.” Her tone is so quiet, Nicole can barely hear it.  
“What is it, baby?”  
Waverly breathes out and gets lost in Nicole’s chocolate brown eyes that are now focused on her. She puts a strand of red hair behind her ear and lets her hand rest on the side of her face. She bites her lip and follows her intuition, she’s just gonna ask her.   
“Go with me to Europe.”

 


	9. nine

" _Nicole! Nic, you can't just walk away from me! You can't leave!" Her voice breaks mid-sentence. With tears in her eyes she tries to run after the girl, but she skips by the passing groups of tourists so fast, it's no use. Nicole is out of sight and Waverly is left behind, all by herself. How could this have happened? It wasn't supposed to end like this._  
"Fuck!" She kicks a garbage bin and makes a cluster of ladies standing next to her stare. They whisper something to each other and Waverly isn't thinking straight, she can't help herself.   
"What?!" Tears are fully streaming down her face and she attempts to wipe her running nose with the back of her hand.   
"Never seen a crying woman?!"   
One steps forward with an apologetic look on her face.   
"Madame,"  
"Je ne parle- I cannot fucking speak french! You just heard me speak English, for fucks sake!" The lady looks very uncomfortable and Waverly grunts, thinking to herself why she's even doing this. She looks at the lock in her hand and the initials drawn on it. Like it is burning her hand, she throws it as far as she can off the bridge she's standing on. The sound of it clashing with the water makes her break down even more and she doesn't know where to go, she just runs and runs. Her legs take her all the way to her hotel, on the other side of the city.

* * *

 _Yes!_ , I want to exclaim. _Yes, yes, yes!_  
But it won't come out. It's terribly sweet of her to ask me to go with her, but can I? My gut says yes. My mom would never allow me to tell her no, but I can't leave my mother like that. Not even after she approved of it? She's still staring at me, I don't know what to say to her. God, she's beautiful when she is unsure of herself. It happened only for a few seconds, but I saw it in her eyes. The confident woman she played faded and the authentic worried girl she is right now appeared. It's hard for me to misread Waverly, she's different from the other people I know. I feel like I've known her all my life. It upsets me that she doesn't want me to see her true emotions, but I won't show it. Now is not the time.   
"You want to take me with you?"   
"If your mom is doing better."  
"Let's see how she's gonna react to the new medication. Maybe she's gonna improve in the upcoming weeks, before I have to leave. If she's doing okay, will you go with me?"  
"Waverly, are you sure about this? It's not like you're asking me to sleep over one night, you're asking me to go with you. To another continent."  
"I know," she takes my hand, "I want you to come with me. I really like you. And I want to make this work, I want us to work out. We had a rough start, but I'll prove to you I really want you."  
"Wave, you don't have to prove anything to me."  
"Sorry, I know. But I want to show you anyhow. I want you to see me dance onstage, I want you to take me back to our hotel room and be like the first time you saw me. I want to have breakfasts with you in cafes in Berlin and look at the Seine while we walk hand in hand in Paris. I want to visit museums or sit around reading books or do nothing all day. I can do all of that myself, but I want to do it with you. I want you to come with me. Please say yes."   
It's hard to disagree on that one. Lord, does that sound tempting. Maybe I should put myself first for once. And I want this, and I want Waverly.   
"If my mom is doing better," I take a break to kiss her hands, "then sure. I'd love to go."   
Her frown turns into a grin and she wraps her arms around me, meeting my lips in a long kiss.

* * *

I lean over the opened window and kiss her one last time. I take in her scent, it still makes me all fuzzy inside, every time, even all the times I just think of it. 

"I'll see you around then, baby." 

With a toothy smile she's off. When the truck turns around the corner of my street and Nicole is out of sight, I do a fist pump and start dancing on the middle of the sidewalk.   
"Ya girl did it! She said yes!", I sing while doing my victory dance.   
"And ya boy wants some peace and quiet!", it sounds from above. It's Harrold.   
"Sorry, Harry!"   
"You did what, now? You proposed?"   
His comment makes me burst out laughing and he just annoyedly asks why I'm laughing at him, but I don't care enough to actually explain.   
"Want coffee?"   
"Yes, please!"   
I hurry inside and make my way to Harry's apartment. It's on the second floor, I decided to take the stairs but profoundly regretted that decision halfway through. What can I say, being a professional dancer doesn't make you gasp for oxygen and wish to just end it all because of the exhaustion (maybe a little dramatic) any less than other human being. When I arrive he's already waiting for me at the door, I greet him and he lets me in. I hang my coat on the hanger and make some small talk with Harrold, it's been at least six months since I last visited him. We continue catching up on each other and he makes us both a cup of coffee. I look around and nothing has changed. On the TV stand next to a, in comparison to all his other stuff, modern flat screen television, there's old photo's of him and his family, and other pictures of his wife, who passed a few years ago. On the windowsills there's a bunch of fake plants, with a thin layer of dust on them. I take a seat on the big leather sofa in front of the TV and immediately sink into it.   
"Take whatever you want", Harry says referring to the tin of cookies on the table, as he comes to sit next to me with two mugs in his hands.   
"Thanks", I take one of the mugs and take a sip. "How're you holding up?"   
"Oh, you know," he takes a deep breath after roughly coughing, "kids stop by sometimes, it's nice of them. When they're not around, I'm holding up fine, too."   
"It's nice that you came over, I was getting pretty lonely up here."  
"You and me both, I've been alone a lot lately."   
"A pretty girl like you? I can't imagine you spending your time alone now. I bet there's a lucky fella in your life, at least."   
"Well, sort of."   
"Ah, see, I knew it. What's his name?"   
I awkwardly sip my coffee and think of telling him a fake name to avoid the conversation that would follow if I told him the truth, but I decide I am too proud of my relationship with Nicole to lie. I clear my throat.   
"Actually, her name is Nicole. And I am the lucky one, not her."   
"Nicole. Well, anyone who can call themselves your boy- or girlfriend, is one lucky person, kid", he says and winks at me. That went easier than expected. "What did you say before, you asked her to marry you already?" I start laughing again and he looks confused, waiting for an answer.   
"Of course I didn't!"  
"Well, you never know with you millennials...", he mumbles.   
"No, I asked her to come with me when I leave for Europe, she said yes."  
"Oh, Europe for the rah rah woman?"   
"Yes, the rah rah woman", I laugh. We talk some more about everything on our minds, his kids, my work, the weather. We were just having a light discussion about which city in the world is the prettiest (I said Paris and he said Purgatory) when my phone interrupted us.   
"Saved by the ringtone," I glance at him, "do you mind if I take-" I stop in the midst of my sentence when I see it's Wynonna calling me.   
"Who is it? Nicole?"   
"No, someone unimportant." I press the decline button, "It's just my sister."  
"Your sister? Wynnona? I didn't know you started talking to her again. When did that happen?"   
"It's just," I sigh and look down, "I didn't really. Start talking to her, I mean. She keeps calling me, but I am too scared to answer."  
"Listen, I don't know what's going on with you two, but are you sure you don't want to talk to your sister? My sister passed long ago, and I wish I could talk to her again just once. Take your chance while you still can."   
"Listen, my situation is kinda different. Extremely different, actually."   
"Are you sure?"   
"I guess. If you really want me to I could give her one call. That would make me feel better, anyway. I told her I would call her."   
"You won't regret it."

* * *

"Hey, Wynonna." "Waverly... I didn't know I was calling the right number."   
"Yeah. Sorry I haven't called you back."   
"You're calling me now."   
There's a moment of silence.  
"Would you want to come over this week?"  
"Oh,"  
"Well, you sounded like you wanted to tell me something last time I saw you."  
"Yeah, no, I just wasn't expecting the invitation. Yeah, I'd like to come over."  
"Well, that's that."  
"Yep."   
"I'll see you, then"  
"See you."


End file.
